It is expected that after every breakup, lovers involved should focus on improving themselves and getting ready for a healthier and fruitful relationship ahead. But that isn’t obtainable as the individuals invariably go into self-hurt, regrets, sober, depression, and moody exhibition. In this article; Getting Over Breakup, i shall be educating on handling and helping yourself after a bad relationship, but before then let me share my pivotal observation as a therapist.
Over the years as a Counseling Psychologist, i have worked with individuals nursing heartbreaks and relationship crisis, i have acknowledged three (3) issues that are ever present in their catastrophes. They include;
- Undefined relationship
- Ignoring self in relationship
- Role playing.
Undefined relationship is one of the weak points that brings unexpected crash. Most individuals rush into another relationship immediately they end one which has been devastating. When a relationship is planned, lovers tend to understand more what they want, how they want it and when.
Secondly, when one ignores self in a relationship, it boomerangs cum loneliness. We encourage people to strive in having the best share of a relationship so that when it hits the rock, they have less regrets. This aspect is found mostly in ladies as they lose themselves while pleasing their men. Drive the relationship to that part that stimulates you, identify yourself, and appreciate yourself first.
Lastly, role playing is what i have found to be the quickest means a relationship meets its Waterloo. What is role playing? One may ask, Role playing here depicts what each lover brings to the table, what they offer in the relationship. I do not in any way support the idea that apart from s*x, ladies have nothing to offer in a relationships.
But still, it’s more like a fact because, most ladies i have interacted with seem to have nothing more attached to their relationships other than that. I am not here to defend men, but truth be told, ladies must up their games and be more supportive and make their relationship competitive.
How you may ask! There is no law that holds men to be in-charge of bills, look woman! he owes you nothing but love, affection, and attention. When he is paying for the food, pay for drinks, when he pays for your hair at the salon, pay for your transport back home.
Getting Over Breakup.
I have managed Breakup with these points below, which i believe will be so much useful to you.
- SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE When passing through a tough time, people tend to isolate themselves from family and friends and people around. For one to heal from breakup, he/she must learn to be with people, especially those they have ignored probably because of the relationship. From my observation, introverts, spend much time when they hurt because they will ignore people and spend much time alone and indoor. Unlike extroverts, that will likely communicate with people even when they hurt.
- START A JOURNEY
While in relationship, you may have lost yourself and your dreams. Starting your life journey could be of help and best way to forget things that couldn’t work. It’s time to discover who you are, build yourself, be a better man/woman, so that when next your ex sees you he/she will realise great gift lost.
Write down your goals, plan ways to achieve them, and work towards that. Never you lose sight of how much time you have wasted and how long you have to go.
3. CREATE HAPPINESS
Learn to be happy, because you had a failed relationship doesn’t make you a failure. Do not rely on people to be happy, remember you were denied your love and happiness, it’s time to create one which no one can take away from you, and it will help in dealing with breakup.
4. AVOID YOUR EX
Wishing to communicate or be with your Ex is normal, but learn not to dwell there for long. Once a relationship is over, bear in mind that your Ex has already moved on, and hoping for better days, so, you need to move on, avoid chatting or messaging him/her. The reason is, when you get back to them through message or any other means, they may give you the worst reply ever thereby hampering your healing journey.
5. CLASP FREEDOM
Be free with yourself, be free with nature, and be free with everyone, practice freedom. I tell people, holding back is like grabbing a hot charcoal with the intention to throw it on someone, you will only get burnt. Let go and let God.
6. TRAVEL TO A NEW PLACE
This has been my favorite, whether handling relationship crisis or grief, travelling to a new place does the magic. Accept it or yes, experiencing a new environment will help you heal more faster and get back to normal. So, make plans travel to a new place.
7. PRACTICE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Practising positive affirmations implies restructuring your sub-conscious mind. What do you really want in life, say it, affirm and it instil it in your mind. Your sub-conscious mind is like an audio recorder, it is active even when you’re asleep, and that’s why people sleep well when they listen good and cool music. Whatever you add after stating “i’m”, the sub-conscious mind records and accept. E.g I’m strong, I’m energetic, I’m a winner, etc. Tell yourself how better you’re becoming.
8. DEAL WITH IT
Understand that it is just a breakup of a relationship that didn’t work out. deal with it, it is not a life statement.
Say it out loud, scream on top of your voice and let it out. I have used this in helping Breakup clients and it’s very effective. Call out the name of your Ex, say how much you hate them, and shout their names thereby letting it go.
10. WRITE LETTER TO SELF
This is one of my latest discoveries in therapy. I subject my clients to write a letter to themselves, explaining how much they have miss (self) while hurting, and how much they crave to meet their new self. According to psychologists, communicating feelings is the best way to let it out.
Thanks for enjoying my write up.
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